MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF TEENAGE LOVE[KINDA DRAMATIC]

 So, i would like to introduce myself a little bit i am currently 17 years old, will turn 18 in a few more months. I am a student, preparing for medical and as an individual i have gone through  alot  which bring out certain outcomes which maybe disheartening to me or would bring me joy . But at the end we are humans and humans tend to make mistakes , I myself made mistakes which still bring out regret and that is why I would like to advice my fellow mates or people younger than me ( i know i am not that old too ,but i am writing all this to help anyone who needs to listen to this .    So, here it is: 

                           When i was younger i used to think that i won't get girls mainly cuz of my low self esteem and due to which i ended up dating a girl whom i did know about that much she was my classmate and she proposed me even though i used to refer to as a 'sister' it felt wrong but yeah i agreed as i was on the peak of being depressed i was scoring less, got rejected by a girl whom i had a crush on since the past three or four years. Anyways this led me staring a relationship with her and for the initial 6 months we both fell in love more but as time passed we both started fighting [verbal] and we held grudges against each other for like really irrational believes , i am not gonna blame her or anyone for it other than myself as i was a bit insecure about things and i had a problem with her celebrity crushes or stuff , we both were wrong sometimes its not just completely her or me who was the problem maybe i hold a larger portion on being the reason of breakup but, it was her fault too. We never set clear boundaries and even if we did the other one would break it by mistake or what not. So yeah and i made mistakes i used to get angry on her for reasons that were really stupid and i am working on improving myself. 

      Moreover, I would like to tell you that i found her liking those thirst traps of her crushes and she found my chats which included discussion about porn and to this day i am highly ashamed bcz of that particular thing and i am trying to quit porn too i had a circle in which they discussed about porn and yeah i guess i would like to advice you to leave such friends if you have any cause eventually you will get influenced and you will develop those bad habits too.

     And to add on like after being in a relationship for like almost more than a year we broke up and it started because of my insecurity and my rude behaviour , she sent me a big paragraph of her wanting to breakup and i was still being an arrogant bastard who was being rude cause for me it was a normal thing which almost happened every day ,but this time it was for real .She blocked me and was not responding and i tried to contact her friends to convince her but she was not responding and the next day when we met at school . I ran to her class and tried to talk to her ,but she ignored and at the end when she did agree to talk it was all the hurtful things , my mistakes , her telling that i was a double standard guy and yeah i ended up in tears and i tried to convince her , literally begging her to stay but she just ignored ,she told me i was not the man she would want to marry and yeah i let her hand go off mine and yeah i was really broken , i ended up opening up about it to my teacher and he advised me and you know me and her still study at the same school and i get to see her accidentally some times ,at first it was scaring and made me regret ,but as time passed i realized that there was a reason we had fights which included misunderstanding ,but it was my fault that i was scared to lose her , it was my fault for sure , i was equally at fault but , if i did not like her seeing those nude animated crushes of her i should have left her because she told me that if i want her i will have to deal with that stuff like her being obsessed to it and yeah and i agreed because i was needy of love and to add on we did sexting and stuff and i guess that thing changed my love into lust too we started being horny most of the time and instead of having the quality time it was just all those sexting and stuff . 

  Lastly, to move on you need to realize that the breakup happened because you both were at fault [in my case] and need to accept it that you will find better people in your life and need to improve on the mistakes you made so in the future your significant other stays happy and always remember to set boundaries and invest in your time in things you love which make you feel better because live is too small to worry instead just try to pick up on those opportunities. I am not like being whom i wanted to be but i am trying ,its  all you can do.